New Things We Are Learning About Mars

Scientists learned that ancient Mars had large bodies of water that caused massive flooding.  So add that fact to this list of The Top New Things We Are Learning About Mars.

  • It’s the only place in the universe where they didn’t get robocalls yesterday urging them to vote.

  • They’re still dealing with the leftover smell of Matt Damon’s poop.

  • It has two moons . . . and 22 Starbucks.

  • It has the same four seasons as Earth, and they put up their Christmas decorations even EARLIER than we do.

  • It gets chillier than Melania when asked about Stormy.

  • Because of the massive craters covering its face, it’s often mistaken for Clint Eastwood.

  • It likes to size-shame Pluto.

  • The four seasons on Mars are twice as long as the ones on Earth.  So you can get pumpkin spice lattes for six months.

  • It’s the only planet besides Earth to have polar ice caps.  And in ten years, it’ll be the ONLY planet to have polar ice caps.

  • It once had water centuries ago, like Flint, Michigan.