Rejected Slogans for Sour Patch Kid Cereal

What kind of breakfast experience do you want to have? Something saccharine that conjures memories of childhood nostalgia? Or are you a masochist who needs to suffer in order to harden yourself before heading out into a cruel world? If you fall into the last category: rejoice, for there is now a breakfast cereal specifically calibrated to satisfy your bizarre urges. Post has confirmed the existence of Sour Patch Kids cereal, the only offering in their product line specifically designed to make your face pucker. But how to market it? I have some ideas…

  • Pucker up, sucker!

  • The newest way to ruin milk

  • Like Froot Loops, but less edible

  • The most jarring part of waking up

  • Feed them to someone as a cruel joke

  • Breakfast of masochists!

  • The cereal you eat on a dare

  • Teach your kids a lesson

  • They’re not GRRRRREAT!

  • Snap, crackle, puke!