The Top Things Americans Did with Their Extra Hour Yesterday

Daylight Saving Time ended on Sunday at 2:00 A.M.  We “gained an hour” by turning our clocks back.  Here are the Top Things Americans Did with Their Extra Hour Yesterday.

  • Prepared for the clock on their stoves and cars to be wrong for six months.

  • Stockpiled perishables in their panic room.

  • Organized their anti-anxiety meds.

  • Replaced the batteries in life-saving devices in their home like fire alarms and sex toys.

  • Stole candy from their kid’s trick-or-treat bag.

  • Thought about all the things they had to be thankful for.  Then watched TV for the remaining 59 minutes and 56 seconds.

  • Carefully researched all candidates running in Tuesday’s midterm elections.  Just kidding!  Watched another hour of “Grey’s Anatomy” on Netflix.

  • Made love to their wives . . . then got 59 minutes of sleep.

  • Ignored all the sane people in their lives and went ahead and put up their Christmas decorations.

  • Got through a single bowl of Grape Nuts.

  • Spent another hour worrying about that stupid caravan.

  • Got so busy posting #vote that they forgot to vote.

  • Took advantage of the time by doing some early voting.  Just kidding!  They watched “Keeping Up with the Kardashians”.

  • Made up excuses for why they didn’t spend the extra hour finally getting around to cleaning out those gutters.

  • Made a list of all the topics NOT to bring up at Thanksgiving dinner.

  • Headed over to Target to check out the Valentine’s Day decorations.

  • Posted more political rants on Facebook that will surely change people’s minds on Tuesday.

  • Started dating someone, got engaged, and broke up.  (Only applies if you’re Ariana Grande or Pete Davidson.)