Top Reasons To Go Vegan

Since World Vegan Day was this week, it’s the perfect time to check out this list of The Top Reasons to Go Vegan.

  • You’ll live longer. And for some reason, you find that appealing.
  • Since people already find you obnoxious, you may as well give them a reason.
  • You’ve been noticing lately that chickens look like they’re about to start fighting back.
  • You realized that you had too many friends.
  • You want to live long enough to see the Earth disintegrate, so you can tell all your friends “I told you so,” as you’re reduced to burning cinder.
  • You enjoy the risk of your body shattering when someone gives you a hug.
  • There’s just something incredibly fulfilling about constantly telling everyone else what to eat and how to think.
  • It helps reduce the carbon footprint you make every time you drive an extra 10 miles to find a vegan restaurant.
  • Everyone knows meals are WAY more enjoyable when the food has zero flavor.
  • You need a reason to spend even more time in the bathroom.
  • It’ll help you sleep better, especially when you’re listening to other people talk about the benefits of being vegan.
  • Once you’re vegan, you’ll have something to talk about with all those yoga chicks you pretend not to leer at, at the gym.