Tips For Getting Over A Breakup

Breaking up with someone is a very emotional and stressful time. We want to help you get past it with this list of The Top Tips for Getting Over a Breakup.

  • Talk to your married friends. Trust me, they’ll make you feel better about being single.
  • Take up a hobby. Like computer hacking. And then ruin her credit history.
  • Make up a derogatory nickname for your ex, like “Tiny” or “Horseface.”
  • Release an album bagging on your ex. It repeatedly works for Taylor Swift!
  • Ask the Saudi Crown Prince if his 15-man hit squad is available for hire.
  • Make new friends . . . and immediately have sex with them.
  • Go on Farmers Only. Not for dates, just looking at the profiles will get you laughing so hard that you’ll feel a lot better.
  • Do all the things your ex never wanted to do, like have sex with her sister.
  • Spend time being creative, like coming up with all the lies you’ll put in your online dating profile.
  • Avoid the S&M dungeons you used to visit together.
  • Get sleep, exercise and eat right . . . so pretty much what you’re told to do all the time.
  • Lower your standards even further.