Things You Shouldn’t Do When Attending An NFL Game

Some jerk New England fan will be prosecuted and banned for life from Patriots games for pouring a beer on Kansas City player after he scored a touchdown. So put pouring beer on players near the top of this list of The Top Things You Shouldn’t do When Attending an NFL Game.

  • Toss your onion rings on a Raider fan’s shoulder spikes.
  • Leave your nachos, ice cream, burger, fries or anything else packed with calories unattended around a Packers fan.
  • Go down to the sidelines and demand that officials use the first down chain to measure your junk.
  • Preach about the wonders of naturally aging to Jerry Jones.
  • Go to an Eagles game without batteries to throw.
  • Sit behind someone with a Kaepernick-sized afro.
  • Forget to wear protective headgear if you’re in a stadium when Eli Manning is throwing.
  • Wait until the camera pans to you, and hold up a sign with concussion statistics.
  • Attend a Raiders game without mace.
  • Offer even more hilariously racist suggestions to replace the “Redskins” name.
  • Inhale too deeply at a Seahawk game. Unless you want to spend the rest of it giggling.