Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear at a Funeral

Aretha Franklin’s family is slamming a pastor for making “offensive and distasteful” comments during her eulogy.  Which brings us to today’s list of The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear at a Funeral.

  • Okay folks, we’ll start the bidding on his gold fillings at $200!

  • I just saw Grandma’s body.  Did she always have a Latin Kings tattoo on her forehead?

  • There’s room in the coffin if you want to get in.

  • Please join us afterwards back at the house for appetizers and a small orgy.

  • Even dead, grandma still looks hot.

  • No, we don’t dispose of bodies in a crematorium.  We let the buzzards handle that.

  • He’s gone, but at least he no longer has to suffer . . . from his annoying wife’s constant nagging!

  • While I have your attention, don’t forget that tickets are still available for my one-man play.

  • It’s now Kanye’s turn to speak.

  • So how soon before the widow starts dating?

  • Gee, the corpse smells great!