Things You Don’t Want To Hear On Your First Day Of School

Since school has started for many students, it’s a good time to check out this list of The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear on Your First Day of School.

  • We have a new no-tolerance policy on bullying any kid who doesn’t deserve it.
  • This year we will be pledging our allegiance to the Confederate Flag.
  • Dodgeball is mandatory, and it WILL determine who the cool kids are.
  • Please welcome our new scoliosis checker, Kevin Spacey!
  • No, I didn’t say “math.” I’m your new METH teacher.
  • Sorry kids, there aren’t enough textbooks to go around ever since Secretary DeVos installed the crystal sconces.
  • This year we will be filming the rope climb and posting it on social media.
  • Before we begin, please raise your hand if you or anyone you know is part of the totally evil media.
  • Dude, your Sloppy Joe just moved!
  • As per the president, we are cutting all music and arts programs and replacing them with courses on coal mining.
  • Why is our bus driver slurring?