Top Reasons To Date An Older Man

63-year-old Jermaine Jackson is getting married to a woman who is 23. So she would likely agree with items on this list of The Top Reasons to Date an Older Man.

  • He buys you nice things with his bingo winnings.
  • He’s too deaf to mansplain to you.
  • When you go out, he can hold your phone under one of his moobs.
  • You haven’t lived until you’ve done it on an Acorn Stair Lift.
  • You’ll never have to see your boyfriend’s crappy band.
  • Any woman will tell you, there’s NOTHING sexier than a pair of pants specially tailored to be hiked up to the armpits.
  • He’s in bed so early, you still have the whole night to go clubbing with his kids.
  • You still have a lot of time left in your day after a dinner date since it will be over by 4:30.
  • You know more about the CBS primetime lineup than anyone else your age.
  • There’s just something special about being rewarded for a great lovemaking session with a fistful of hard candy.
  • You’ll never hear him say “amazeballs.”
  • Meals are simple: soup and vitamins.
  • Unlike younger guys, you don’t have to listen to him drone on about his hopes and dreams.
  • The worst drug problem he’ll have is forgetting to refill his Viagra prescription.
  • He’ll never post embarrassing pictures of you on Instagram, because he can’t figure out how.