-His efforts to “fix it” are expressions of love and care.
Men like to do something. Simply listening and empathizing with us doesn’t make them feel effective or helpful. Their suggestions and strategies to solve problems is how men show their love.
-He needs time to process and think during our conversations.
Once I learned that his silence meant he was thinking and processing, and not ignoring me, I learned to stay quiet and wait, instead of adding more information, asking questions, or changing topics.
-He tends to compartmentalize.
Picture the difference between waffles and spaghetti. Waffles have neat, individual squares. Spaghetti is a mass of intertwined and interconnected noodles. Men think and process emotions and interactions like waffles, one at a time.
-He considers sitting side by side watching sports, or doing other activities together, without any conversation, as quality time together!
This is radically different from my idea of quality time, but I am learning to lean in and enjoy this time together.
He connects more through sexual intimacy than verbal/emotional intimacy.
Sex IS his way of connecting. This is the chicken and egg question of every marriage. Wives say, “If we connected more emotionally, we would have more sex.” Husbands usually respond, “If we had sex more often, I would connect more emotionally.”