1. Yes, feel free to use my shampoo, but go easy on it because that bottle cost me $20.
2. Water and lube are absolutely not the same thing.
3. I know you think it’ll be sexy to press me up against this wall but IT’S FREEZING.
4. The only thing I can think about when you try to lift me up is how awkward it’ll be when my roommate comes home and finds us dead in here.
5. I’m not skipping any part of my regular shower routine just because you’re in here.
6. Please don’t look at me when I go to rinse all my makeup off, unless you want to see how I’d look as a human raccoon.
7. If you so much as brush against me while I’m shaving my leg I will punch you in the face.
8. I’m definitely hardcore judging your hygiene habits right now.
9. Making out with wet lips feels kind of amazing.
10. Please, don’t try and wash my hair. This works in rom-coms, but not IRL.