Tips For Having A Great Day At The Beach

Do you have a day at the beach planned? If so, you can make sure it’s awesome by checking out this list of The Top Tips for Having a Great Day at the Beach.

  • If someone asks you to pee on them, verify that they’ve been stung by a jellyfish first.
  • If someone says, “Oh my God, look at that guy in the Speedo” . . . for God’s sake DO NOT look.
  • Instead of volleyball, gather up a group of friends to play detangle the dolphin from a web of plastic straws.
  • Only get in the water when it’s full of slower, fatter people. You know, because of sharks.
  • Make sure your umbrella has a really sharp spike on the end, in case you have to battle for turf.
  • Bring a Frisbee.  And a kite for when you lose the Frisbee. 
  • If you meet any surfers, try to resist the urge to strangle them when they use words like “gnarly” and “stoked” unironically.
  • Reconsider the Confederate flag beach towel.
  • When burying your kids in the sand, make it look like an accident.