Questions To Ask Yourself Before Becoming A Lifeguard

Many cities and counties are still looking to hire lifeguards. Which brings us to this list of The Top Questions to Ask Yourself Before Becoming a Lifeguard.

  • If she’s really nasty, you know, like a 3 out of 10 or lower, do I HAVE TO do mouth-to-mouth?
  • Will the zinc oxide on the top of my nose clash with the cocaine residue on the bottom?
  • If I really want to disappoint my parents, shouldn’t I get into radio?
  • Would my enormous beer gut give me an advantage as a floatation device?
  • Once I acquire a deep, dark, borderline comical tan, should I run for president?
  • How likely am I to get hired if my name isn’t Chad?
  • Do I want to pursue a career where people ASPIRE to be David Hasselhoff?
  • If I hear a child screaming for help at the same time I have a perfect view down some chick’s top, will I do the right thing . . . and tell the kid to suck it up?
  • Is there a chance the “shrinkage” issue could become permanent?
  • Would I feel secure at a job where I can basically be replaced by a “Swim At Your Own Risk” sign?
  • Can I remember to always run in slow motion while silhouetted by the sun?
  • Can I avoid going into a murderous rage from hearing annoying kids yell “Marco . . . Polo!” for eight hours a day?
  • Do I have to save EVERYONE?