Signs You’re At A Bad Bar

The weekend is here so a visit to a pub for some adult beverages might be in your plans. If so, we hope you go somewhere cool and avoid a place like you’ll hear described on this list of The Top Signs You’re in a Bad Bar.

  • The swinging saloon doors have been replaced by crime-scene tape.
  • Everyone in the place is a millennial.
  • The jukebox has all of your favorite songs . . . but only if you like Nickelback.
  • The bouncer just informed you the next round is on the house . . . if you let him watch you pee.
  • The only alcohol it serves is “rubbing.”
  • The bartender’s pushup bra displays an enormous rack . . . and he’s very proud of it.
  • Despite claiming to be a world-class mixologist, the bartender is currently Googling “ingredients for a vodka-tonic.”
  • The bowl of mixed nuts seems to include a lot of teeth.
  • There’s no ice in the urinals. And what’s the point of leaving home if you can’t melt stuff with your pee stream?
  • Their special ingredient in blue Tiki drinks is Windex.
  • A priest, a rabbi, and an imam walk in together and nobody makes a joke about it.
  • Instead of salt on the rim of the glass, there’s usually lipstick.