Questions to Ask Yourself Before Buying a Computer.

Are you in the market for a new computer?  If so, you might first want to take a minute and check out this list of The Top Questions to Ask Yourself Before Buying a Computer.

  • Is the monitor thick enough to balance my Deadpool figurines?

  • Should I get a Mac, a PC . . . or whatever it is Dell makes?

  • Will I remember to put tape over the camera so hackers can’t record my “orgasm face”?

  • How long does it freeze when you open Microsoft Office?

  • Am I paying $1,500 for something a hungry child assembled with $14 worth of fiberglass? 

  • Will the laptop battery get hot enough to burn my junk?  (I’m actually asking this for my dominatrix.)

  • Can I afford it?  (Hint:  You live in your parents’ basement.  So, NO!)

  • Do I really want to blow nine months of rent on a computer, simply because it has an Apple logo?

  • Does it come preloaded with a U2 album?

  • Is it professional looking enough that the other people at Starbucks will actually believe I’m making progress on that screenplay?

  • Do I really need to upgrade since my current computer is a TRS-80 I bought from Radio Shack in 1979?

  • Can I pay extra to never get a notification to update iTunes? 

  • Do I want one with enough memory and features for gaming, or do I actually want to use it for something productive?

  • Does it have enough memory to store all the photos of the girlfriend I’ll never have, because I spend all my time downloading porn on my laptop?