Tips For Having A Great Camping Trip

If a summer camping trip is in your plans, we can help make sure it’s a success with this list of The Top Tips for Having a Great Camping Trip.

  • Make sure there’s at least one fat person nearby to shove in the path of an oncoming bear.
  • Moaning can be a distraction to fellow outdoorsmen, so don’t have sex in your tent. Especially when camping alone.
  • Bring newspapers to help start a fire . . . and a grueling political debate.
  • The woods are dangerous. If you hear a growl outside your tent at night . . . tell your wife to check it out.
  • Make sure you have a scary story to share around the campfire. Like that one about the sad, middle-aged man who gave up on his dreams and now tells ghost stories around a campfire.
  • Learn which berries are edible and which ones are hallucinogenic
  • Remember to bring ingredients for s’mores, because skipping them will throw off your body’s schedule for developing diabetes.
  • Bring a big stick to take on hikes. You can use it as a weapon in case you encounter a snake . . . or a passing hiker who asks you, “So, hot enough for ya?”
  • To avoid getting separated from your children . . . keep them in cages.
  • Bring toilet paper…or at least some quilted, two-ply leaves.
  • If you bring a picnic basket, bring enough for the bears in porkpie hats and ties.
  • Make sure the entrance to the “campground” has a big neon sign that says “Marriott.”