Summer officially arrived this week . . . but not everyone is happy about it. Find out why with this list of The Top Reasons You Don’t Like Summer.
- Your kids are home from school. And you hate your kids.
- Having to wait until September to sleep with your favorite teacher again.
- The look on the kids’ faces when you tell them you’re “Staycationing” again.
- You’re an average American and vegetables are abundant in summer.
- You have to go to several weddings, where you’ll be reminded you’re single, pathetic, and destined to die alone with your cats.
- Thinking about Donald Trump in that Russian hotel room ruined your idea of watersports.
- You hate feeling as sweaty as Tom Sizemore looks.
- All the movies out are about comic book characters and you have to wait until the fall to see a realistic movie about a guy having sex with a fish.
- Your baseball team is the Baltimore Orioles.
- Every movie features the Rock.
- The people wearing the least at the beach are always the people who should be wearing the most.
- They’re separating families in the tube slide line.
- Two words: swamp ass.
- It can be cruel. Just ask Bananarama.