Reasons You Don’t Like Summer

Summer officially arrived this week . . . but not everyone is happy about it. Find out why with this list of The Top Reasons You Don’t Like Summer.

  • Your kids are home from school. And you hate your kids.
  • Having to wait until September to sleep with your favorite teacher again.
  • The look on the kids’ faces when you tell them you’re “Staycationing” again.
  • You’re an average American and vegetables are abundant in summer.
  • You have to go to several weddings, where you’ll be reminded you’re single, pathetic, and destined to die alone with your cats.
  • Thinking about Donald Trump in that Russian hotel room ruined your idea of watersports.
  • You hate feeling as sweaty as Tom Sizemore looks.
  • All the movies out are about comic book characters and you have to wait until the fall to see a realistic movie about a guy having sex with a fish.
  • Your baseball team is the Baltimore Orioles.
  • Every movie features the Rock.
  • The people wearing the least at the beach are always the people who should be wearing the most.
  • They’re separating families in the tube slide line.
  • Two words: swamp ass.
  • It can be cruel. Just ask Bananarama.