Signs You’re At A HorribleTheme Park

Summer is here and that means Americans will flock to theme parks. Hopefully you’ll visit a cool park and not one like you’ll hear described on this list of The Top Signs You’re at a Horrible Theme Park.

  • The House of Horrors is just a room full of used hypodermic needles.
  • The flags flying over the park include North Korea’s.
  • The top prize in the balloon-dart game is a Mexican kid who’s been separated from his parents.
  • The Lazy River is just pee water from the kiddie pool.
  • Muslims can’t board the monorail without being screened for box cutters.
  • Instead of a Hall of Presidents . . . they have a Hall of Brutal Dictators.

  • There are no public restrooms. So when you enter the park, they give you a pair of Depends.
  • The cotton candy guy says to let him know if you find a tooth.
  • The funhouse mirrors are actually just regular mirrors, so you have to confront how you REALLY look.
  • Cinderella’s glass slippers are magnifying her horrifying amount of toe fungus.
  • Cops are currently investigating a drive-by on the bumper cars.

  • Not one photo taken during the log flume shows a woman flashing her boobs.
  • The pirate characters are the kind that illegally download movies.
  • It costs $100 to get in. And $200 to get out.