The Top Things Donald Trump Has Never Said

Donald Trump celebrates being on this earth for 72 years today. And in that time, he’s said a lot of things . . . but we’re pretty sure he’s never uttered anything from this list of The Top Things Donald Trump Has Never Said.

  • My favorite movies? Anything with De Niro or Streep!
  • I can’t hit on her, I’m married!
  • Know who gets me better than anyone else? Alec Baldwin.
  • Tell Putin I can’t come to the phone right now.
  • There’s a lot of talk about me getting the Nobel Peace Prize, but I’d humbly thank them and turn it down.
  • I’d like to purchase this regular-sized necktie.
  • Sorry Ivanka, can’t do lunch. I’m spending the day with Tiffany.
  • It’s no longer Sean Hannity . . . my daily nighttime phone calls are now with Rachel Maddow.
  • Sure, Melania’s hot, but she’s not Rosie O’Donnell hot.
  • Sorry, I’m too busy reading these intelligence reports to play another 18 holes.
  • Hey, look, it’s a graduate of Trump University who’s gainfully employed!
  • Let’s stop worrying about ratings and approval numbers and just do what’s right.
  • Guys, I’m starting to think we’re focusing a bit too much on Hillary’s emails.
  • Man, that P90X workout was a killer!
  • You know what? I think this building would be even classier if it did NOT have my name on it.
  • Oh, that’s something Obama passed? I won’t overturn it.
  • I want the media to get more shots of my giant bald patch on the back of my head.
  • Very smart analysis from my son, Eric.
  • Oh, I hired you as a contractor but haven’t paid the bill yet?  My bad.  Let me cut you a check right now!
  • Before I answer you, let me take a moment to think about my response.
  • My son-in-law Jared Kushner is just so damn macho!
  • Melania and I are planning a romantic evening tonight.