Signs You’re Not Going to Be Class Valedictorian

  • You’re 56 years old

  • You think “valedictorian” is some kind of Italian racecar

  • You had to sign up for summer school… through 2022

  • Your school just gives out smiley face stickers for graduation

  • Most of your education has been educating yourself about the Illuminati

  • You never stopped eating paste

  • Turns out plagiarism-detecting software really does work

  • They won’t accept the credits you’ve earned playing Pokemon Go

  • You’re “street smart”, meaning that all you really know is what street you live on

  • You got a GED but can’t spell it

  • You’ve been accepted to Trump University