Signs Your Book Isn’t Going to Be an Oprah’s Book Club Selection

 

  • It’s written entirely on cocktail napkins

  • You’re still working it out in your head

  • The title is Why I Hate Oprah

  • It was used against you at your trial

  • It’s about the very special connection you feel with Oprah

  • The foreword was written by your therapist

  • You wrote it on a 6-day crystal meth binge

  • You see it as your chance to get even with everyone who wronged you over the years

  • It’s just a copy of Moby Dick with your name scrawled on it in magic marker

  • You published it yourself… at Kinko’s

  • Reviewers described it as “a plea for help”