Top Reasons You Won’t be Watching the NBA Finals

The Golden State Warriors host the Cleveland Cavaliers tonight in the first game of the NBA Finals.  But you couldn’t care less.  Here are The Top Reasons You Won’t be Watching the NBA Finals.

  • You’re on Ambien so you’re too busy making racist tweets.
  • There’s not enough kneeling during the national anthem.
  • You only watch events involving Meghan Markle and giant hats.
  • Steph Curry reminds you of that wiseass kid down the street who’s always kicking his ball into your yard.
  • The only Cleveland sports team you’ll watch are the Browns because you love to laugh.
  • You’re a Starbucks employee and as part of your racial bias training, you can only watch BET.
  • You hate watching the same thing over and over again . . . plus you have to catch up on your Marvel superhero movies.
  • LeBron’s old man face on a young man’s body creeps you out.
  • The sound of sneakers squeaking on wood triggers your PTSD from line dancing in gym class.
  • Unlike football, there aren’t all of those hilarious moments where players are carried off on stretchers.
  • Watching another league’s championship makes you feel like you’re cheating on your imaginary boyfriend, Tom Brady.
  • You’re tired of reboots.