Top Tips For Planning Your Summer Vacation

If you haven’t started making your summer vacation plans yet . . . we can help with this list of The Top Tips for Planning Your Summer Vacation.

  • Visit a National Park. Who knows? While hiking you may stumble on a pot farm!
  • Call the White House and ask for the complete list of S-hole countries to avoid.
  • Don’t go anywhere close enough that a relative can say, “Maybe I’ll come down for a day or two!”
  • Try renting an Airbnb . . . it has a much lower homicide rate than Craigslist.
  • Make sure it conflicts with your spouse’s job, your daughter’s recital, and son’s baseball game, so they don’t have to go with you.
  • If an old man at a rundown gas station tells you he knows a shortcut off the main road, for God’s sake, don’t take it.
  • A straw calypso hat is the perfect accessory to draw attention from your man-boobs.
  • If you were considering a family vacation, immediately plan a second solo vacation to relieve the stress of your first vacation.
  • Before going to Disney World, double check that you’re clinically obese and currently wearing a fanny pack and sandals.
  • Pack your clothes so they won’t wrinkle, and your drugs so they won’t be found by the TSA.
  • Be sure to visit Mexico before prime severed-head season.