If you haven’t started making your summer vacation plans yet . . . we can help with this list of The Top Tips for Planning Your Summer Vacation.
- Visit a National Park. Who knows? While hiking you may stumble on a pot farm!
- Call the White House and ask for the complete list of S-hole countries to avoid.
- Don’t go anywhere close enough that a relative can say, “Maybe I’ll come down for a day or two!”
- Try renting an Airbnb . . . it has a much lower homicide rate than Craigslist.
- Make sure it conflicts with your spouse’s job, your daughter’s recital, and son’s baseball game, so they don’t have to go with you.
- If an old man at a rundown gas station tells you he knows a shortcut off the main road, for God’s sake, don’t take it.
- A straw calypso hat is the perfect accessory to draw attention from your man-boobs.
- If you were considering a family vacation, immediately plan a second solo vacation to relieve the stress of your first vacation.
- Before going to Disney World, double check that you’re clinically obese and currently wearing a fanny pack and sandals.
- Pack your clothes so they won’t wrinkle, and your drugs so they won’t be found by the TSA.
- Be sure to visit Mexico before prime severed-head season.