Top Surprises In “SOLO: A Star Wars Story”

“Solo: A Star Wars Story” opens today. So if you don’t mind a few spoilers, check out this list of The Top Surprises in “Solo: A Star Wars Story”.

  • Han wins the Millennium Falcon in a game of cornhole.
  • Han rescues Chewie after seeing one of those sad commercials with Sarah McLachlan music.
  • One of the pockets in Han’s vest is for his vape pen.
  • There’s a special Jedi Academy for girls, which trains them to use the Force to fend off Morgan Freeman.
  • The events of the movie take place right before everyone gets bored of “Star Wars”.
  • The first thing Han smuggles? A cargo of Tide Pods.
  • Han spends the entire movie in the lobby of a Millennium Falcon dealership waiting for an oil change.
  • The Millennium Falcon has an Uber sticker on its windshield.
  • Someone finally wises up and invents SEX DROIDS.
  • Han spends half the movie removing ticks from Chewbacca.
  • Jabba the Hutt is played by Steve Bannon in very little makeup.
  • Every time a new robot debuts, all of the characters turn to the audience and say, “Buy this toy, kids!”
  • Director Ron Howard reaches back to his “Andy Griffith Show” days and has Chewbacca get a trim from Floyd the barber.
  • The movie is actually about the early career of soccer star Hope Solo.