The Top Benefits Of Homeschooling Your Kid

Since May is Homeschooling Awareness Month, it’s a good time to check out this list of The Top Benefits of Homeschooling Your Kid.

  • Duh. Why should someone else make money selling him pot?
  • He’ll never have to see that horrific, floppy skin hanging from a lunch lady’s arms up close.
  • If he says the dog ate his homework, you can grab a stick and poke through Fido’s feces to verify.
  • You can teach all the chemtrail conspiracy theories your kid can handle.
  • Who hasn’t dreamt of raising a kid who turns into a socially awkward, lonely weirdo?
  • “Field trips” can include going out to the backyard to rake the leaves.
  • You can justify always talking to yourself as a parent-teacher conference.
  • There’s just something fun about being silently judged by every other parent you meet.
  • You’ll save tens of dollars each year not buying paper lunch bags.
  • Not having to leave home in the morning will prepare him for his future as an unemployed loser.
  • Teaching math via “The Price is Right” just makes more sense.
  • You won’t have to worry about teachers brainwashing your kid with their agendas, because that’s your job.
  • No matter what anyone tells you, kids LOVE spending the entire day cooped up in the house.
  • By holding gym class, you can finally get some use out of that exercise bike you bought.
  • The school mascot can just be the family dog.