-
Wardrobe refers to you as a “waste of sequins”
-
They keep calling you “an American icon” because it’s obvious you’re no dancer
-
Even Tom Bergeron hates your guts
-
You make Jerry Springer’s moves look good
-
The crowd bursts into applause when you sprain your ankle
-
Len Goodman just flipped you the bird
-
Your horrified partner tried to wrestle you to the ground
-
Producers tell you to “waltz the hell on out of here”
-
Your dance is interrupted by the unmistakable sound of Fred Astaire turning over in his grave
-
First comment from the judges is “Well, that happened”
-
Doctors advise you not to continue-even though you’re not injured
-
After your dance, they make you take a sobriety test