Things You Don’t Want To Hear From Your Secretary

Since today is Administrative Professionals’ Day, it’s a good time for The Top Things You Don’t Want to Hear From Your Secretary.

  • I’ll be right with you, sir. I’m posting something to #MeToo.
  • Oops. I thought you said, “DUST my plants and WATER my computer.”
  • Sorry I’m late. I’m still recovering from my 4/20 celebration.
  • How much will you pay me not to tell the CEO you watch porn all day?
  • What are these “spreadsheets” you speak of? Do they have a high thread count?
  • I’ve got your wife on line 1 . . . and your girlfriend on line 2.
  • On a scale of one to ten, how psyched would you be if you found out I turned the break room into a meth lab?
  • I don’t like your demanding tone. If you need me, I’ll be recovering in my safe space.
  • Let’s make a deal: You don’t tell me when I’m supposed to get to work, and I won’t slash your throat with a mechanical pencil.
  • You remind me of a slightly more “grabby” Harvey Weinstein.
  • Facebook was down this morning, so sadly, I actually got something done.
  • You gave me the wrong file. I just sent your porn folder out in a company-wide email.
  • I just handed a bunch of your files over to the FBI.
  • You ever see that movie “Horrible Bosses”?