Signs a Guy Was Raised by Wolves.

A man in Spain says he was raised by wolves in a cave for 12 years.  And it was evident he was different.  Which brings us to The Top Signs a Guy Was Raised by Wolves.

  • He has a mattress made of memory twigs.

  • He only showers once a week.  The other days he just licks himself.

  • Several of his relatives were shot by Sarah Palin from a helicopter.

  • Instead of a bottle of wine, he shows up to your dinner party with a freshly killed rabbit.

  • After his wife gives birth, he goes, “Where’s the rest of the litter?!?”

  • When he goes to Starbucks, the barista always writes “coyote” on his drink cup.

  • He’ll only watch breaking news on CNN . . . because it’ll be covered by Wolf Blitzer.

  • His 23AndMe profile says that he’s a distant cousin of Robin Williams.

  • He doesn’t need a gym membership because he gets all the exercise he needs chasing squirrels.

  • After peeing on your leg, he shrugs and explains he was simply marking his territory.

  • His preferred version of “Little Red Riding Hood” ends with the title character being viciously devoured.

  • He never needed a stroller, because he carries his kids in his mouth by the scruff of their necks.

  • Kevin Costner always wants to dance with him.

  • His favorite band?  Steppenwolf.

  • He’s better behaved than most people who were raised by humans.