Signs It’s Too Damn Cold to Play Baseball


  • Your tobacco spittle freezes before it hits the ground

  • Your right fielder just got mauled by a polar bear

  • You’re building a small bonfire in the on-deck circle

  • All the bats shatter on impact

  • The manager called a conference on the mound just for the body heat

  • You’ve been begging the team prankster to give you a hotfoot

  • New ground rule: any ball landing on the glacier is an automatic double

  • The groundskeeper is driving a Zamboni

  • 7th inning stretch replaced by 7th inning thaw