Ways to Deal with Jealousy in Relationships

1. Know that jealousy (in small doses) is actually a good sign.

Jealousy doesn’t just happen without reason; it’s always about more than your partner’s ex liking their beach Insta. If you’re committed to this person at all, you will have bursts of jealousy, no matter how chill or rational you want to be. But that’s a good thing, because it means you care about the relationship working.

 2. Be supportive of each other’s feelings.

If you can admit that jealousy is natural, it’s important that your S.O. can too. The last thing you need is someone lashing out at you the moment you ask them to quickly text you if they stay out late. Some of the bad ways to deal with a jealous partner are telling them “It’s your problem!” or “I haven’t done anything!”, as if that could actually calm your nerves.

 3. Set aside jealousy time

If you’re feeling overwhelming jealousy toward your partner’s attractive desk mate or ex-girlfriend (and you know you 1000 percent have nothing to worry about), there are exercises you can do to deal with it. Jealousy time is an appointment the person makes with their jealous thoughts. If you have a jealous thought at 10 a.m., write it down and then put it off until jealousy time. Basically, you spend 20 very self-aware minutes letting yourself fully concentrate on your feelings, and then you move on.

 4. Lower your expectations.

Look at your core beliefs, like “my partner should never be attracted to anyone else or be flirtatious’ or ‘I should always know what my partner’s doing”. The rules people may have can make them more prone to jealousy. If you have highly romanticized ideals for your S.O., you up the chances of you getting jealous by a lot.