Signs Spring Has Arrived

Pay no attention to the forecast. Today is the first day of spring and the evidence is everywhere. Here are The Top Signs Spring Has Arrived.

  • Arie from “The Bachelor” is switching to his warm-weather fiancée.
  • The only icy things left in Washington D.C. are the glares Melania gives to Donald.
  • Roy Moore’s new girlfriend is picking out her prom dress.
  • Stormy Daniels has changed her name to “Gentle Rain Daniels.”
  • The days are longer. Or maybe that’s just because you’re married.
  • Dads all over America are quietly dusting off the jorts . . .
  • Sparrows and robins in D.C. are competing for the chance to nest in Trump’s hair.
  • Millions of people are miraculously lifted from a months-long depression . . . only to fall back into it the second they watch the news.
  • United Airlines is apologizing after mistakenly sending your dog to spring break in Cancun.
  • Mike Pence begins to question why the Easter Bunny is a lifelong bachelor.
  • Dumb kids are now only eating pastel-colored Tide Pods.
  • The subpoenas in Washington D.C. are in full bloom.
  • Wesley Snipes is busy not preparing his taxes.
  • Harvey Weinstein has started wearing an even shorter robe.
  • The barista at Starbucks now gets your name wrong on your ICED beverage.
  • You’re still peeing green beer.