The Top Things You Shouldn’t Say To Your Boss

Things started going south for Rex Tillerson after he reportedly called Donald Trump an “effin’ moron.” So add that to the list of The Top Things You Shouldn’t Say to Your Boss.

  • So tomorrow I’m gonna show up when I want to, do as much work as I want to, and leave when I want to. You cool with that?
  • Excuse the typos. I’m tripping balls right now.
  • As you can see, I always clock in exactly on time at 8:30. After all, my Facebook feed isn’t going to check itself!
  • I know the company frowns on sex with coworkers . . . but what’s the policy on sex with office furniture?
  • You don’t have one of those things where you can tell what I do on my work computer, do you?
  • You remind me of a slightly more predatory Harvey Weinstein.
  • I wish you’d start buying office supplies that were worth stealing.
  • Can I have April 20th off to celebrate Hitler’s birthday?
  • Don’t worry, I won’t take a sick day, it’s only lice.
  • Man, if it weren’t for the bourbon in my coffee, I could never get through your boring-ass sales meetings.
  • Nice tie, it distracts from your ugly suit.
  • Could I use your office for a couple hours? I really need to sleep off this hangover.
  • You mean “team” ISN’T spelled with an “I”?