10 Bed-Sharing Secrets Guys Will Never Tell You

1. He probably talks to you because he didn’t realize you fell asleep like 20 minutes ago. He might be telling you about his day or confessing a deep, dark secret-only to realize you’re checked out. He might even ask, “are you really asleep?” just to confirm.

 2. He looks at weird shit on his phone and hopes you don’t wake up. It’s not even porn, but he winds up in the weird part of YouTube and he’s praying that you’re not about to catch him.

 3. He steals the covers back. This is the perfect time to lay claim to the half of the sheets that are rightfully his.

 4. He stares at you. You just look cute and peaceful and he’s admiring you and thinking about how lucky he is.

 5. He eats chips quietly in bed. Under cover of darkness, he’s snacking in bed, because if he did this while you were awake you’d get mad at him for getting crumbs everywhere. Which, fair.

  6. He finally gets rid of all that gas he was holding in. He’s turning the bed into a steam room of noxious farts, basically.

 7. He puts something else on TV. He’s been waiting this whole time for you to fall asleep so he can put on literally anything else.

 8. He takes over the bed. He will feign ignorance the next day, claiming he did this in his sleep.

 9. He double-checks your alarms. If he’s a keeper, he makes sure you won’t oversleep and miss work.

 10. Sleep. It’s not as if he spends all his time getting up to mischief when you’re asleep. Sometimes he just goes to bed, too.