How to Schedule Sex without Killing the Romance

Talk about it

Approach the “we need to start scheduling sex” conversation delicately-you don’t want to put your partner on the defensive. Here’s a tip: Blame yourself. “Hey, love of my life, with work and whatnot, I haven’t been making enough time for you. I’m sorry. Can you keep Sundays free so I can buy you dinner and make love to you each week, no matter how crazy things get? Your hair looks great today, by the way.”

 Write it down

Early every week, before you get mired in non-sex plans, pick a day when you’re both going free and christen that night Date Night. If you crave variety, give each date night a theme: Kink night! Breakfast for dinner night! Whatever is special in your relationship. Putting “date night” on a calendar helps you schedule work and social obligations around it, rather than always saying, “Eh, I’ll see my girlfriend this weekend.”

 Embrace “poly” principles

Even if you’re in a monogamous relationship, you can learn from polyamory. Sure, you’re only sleeping with one person. But you have a boss who demands your attention, work buddies who want to grab beers with you and single friends who want you to spend Saturday night helping them get laid. From a scheduling perspective, we’re more poly than we think. So now and then, throw everyone else under the bus. Say something like, “My boss is driving me crazy and my friends have been so annoying lately. Can I cook you dinner Thursday so we can turn off our phones and I can only talk to you?”