Things You Don’t Want To Hear from an Oscar Presenter

The Oscars are tonight. I can’t wait to not watch it.

  • You’re all losers in my book

  • We’re running late, so I’ll just hand this one out after the show”

  • The winner is Meryl…uh, I’m not sure how to pronounce this…Strep?

  • And the Grammy goes to…

  • The winner for Best Animated Short is… aw, who cares?

  • I’m gonna talk real s-l-o-w and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it

  • This is a little off topic, but I’d love to boink that Salma Hayek

  • Sound effects editing… is that even a thing?

  • I’m not wearing any underwear

  • I remember when you had to be a star to win one of these things

  • And the winner is La La Land!