Questions To Ask Yourself Before Running For Congress

“Clueless” star Stacey Dash is running for Congress. Unfortunately, she made her decision before reviewing this list of The Top Questions to Ask Yourself Before Running for Congress.

  • Will I be too distracted by that wobbly thing under Mitch McConnell’s chin to pass meaningful legislation?
  • Will my forehead swastika hurt my odds of winning?
  • Do I have what some people refer to as a casual relationship with the truth?
  • Do I go to the NRA for money, or do they come to me?
  • Am I prepared to uphold sacred Congressional duty and only pass a law if it truly benefits the lobbyist who bought me a golf membership?
  • Will Nancy Pelosi help me get a sweet deal on Botox injections?
  • If I lose, can I just yell “FAKE NEWS!” until everyone believes I won?
  • Do I have to pay Putin in rubles if I take his deal for getting me elected?
  • Are hookers and porn stars generally good at honoring non-disclosure agreements?
  • How well can I conceal a flask in an ill-fitted pantsuit?
  • If I want to effectively converse with my bosses, should I learn Russian or Mandarin?
  • Do I have a burning desire to be hated by everyone?
  • Can I avoid getting impaled by that sharp point in Paul Ryan’s hair?
  • Are there any Congressional committees that oversee video games and eating nachos?
  • Should I run as a Democrat, Republican, or someone rational?