Reasons You Won’t be Watching the Winter Olympics.

The 2018 Winter Olympics are under way and will conclude on February 25th. But that gets a big yawn from you. Here are The Top Reasons You Won’t be Watching the Winter Olympics.

  • Curling just reminds you how dirty your floors are.
  • If you want to see something go downhill fast, you’ll just watch the stock market.
  • They feature too many s-hole countries for your taste.
  • If you want international competition, you’ll watch President Trump get into a Twitter war with Kim Jong-Un.
  • Who needs hockey? You just saw all the violence you could handle watching Philadelphia celebrate the Super Bowl win.
  • You aren’t inspired by glossy NBC pieces about athletes who overcame AIDS, hemorrhoids, and farming mishaps to become champion curlers.
  • It’s not as fun knowing that it’s much less likely these days for an athlete to get clubbed in the kneecap.
  • If you wanted to see something icy, you could just watch President Trump trying to hold Melania’s hand.
  • You don’t consider anything to be a real sport if Norway has a chance to win.
  • Martin Luther King convinced you to go shopping for a new Dodge.
  • You’re too busy watching Congress “skate” around the issues.
  • You refuse to watch bobsledding unless it involves Jamaicans.