Questions Your Cat Would Ask If It Could Talk

Today is Answer Your Cat’s Questions Day. So check out The Top Questions Your Cat Would Ask if It Could Talk.

  • How’s my butthole? Can you check it out for me?
  • You’re eating steak and potatoes and you call this slop you feed me “FANCY feast?”
  • I hunted and killed this bird AND pulled its intestines out for you, and you STILL don’t reward me?
  • If I’m not supposed to thrash your new leather couch, why do I have me claws?
  • I see you brought home three more cats to keep me company. Does that mean you’ve given up on dating?
  • Does it bother you that the second you’re dead, I’ll eat your face?
  • Why am I wasting even one of my nine lives with you?
  • You do realize dressing me in a sailor suit amounts to psychological torture, right?
  • Forget this catnip garbage . . . you got any blow?
  • Yes, I enjoy having prey to hunt, but maybe you should have an exterminator look at your rat problem?
  • Why would anyone use a toilet when there’s a perfectly good box right there?
  • You realize I genuinely hate you, right?