Top Ways To Save Your Troubled Marriage

All marriages have their ups and downs. And if yours has way more downs than ups, you might want to check out this list of The Top Ways to Save Your Troubled Marriage.

  • Delete your browser history at least six times a day.
  • Stop introducing her to others as “Soul Crusher.”
  • Introduce toys in the bedroom. But not an Xbox, dummy
  • Less Netflix, more “chill.”
  • Find a hobby you can enjoy together, like hating Lena Dunham.
  • Stop wishing for a Chris Hemsworth and accept the fact that you’ve got yourself a Chris Christie.
  • Have a baby, since everyone knows kids don’t cost money and have never been known to cause any stress!
  • Resist the urge to laugh when she says, “There are still plenty of guys out there who want me.”
  • Try NOT to make the only thing you say to him each day, “Shut up! I’m trying to watch ‘Highlander’!”
  • Shave that ridiculous mustache . . . sweetie.
  • Stop getting in bed at 6:30 and then spending the rest of the night inhaling cheeseburgers and watching cable news. Oh sorry, that’s a way to save Donald Trump’s marriage.
  • Remember why you got married in the first place: you lied about being pregnant. On second thought, never mind.
  • Trying going on a trip together . . . an acid trip.
  • Schedule some romantic, intimate, sensual time alone. And when you’re done, spend some time with your spouse.
  • Role play by pretending to be someone who loves their spouse.