Signs You’re Having a Bad Holiday Season

 

  • The barista wrote “Loser” on your holiday Starbucks cup
  • You’re an elf who can’t cope with seasonal employment
  • The only lap you’ve been invited to sit on is Harvey Weinstein’s
  • Turns out having a belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly is a non-starter with the ladies
  • Robert Mueller is looking into your bank records
  • Your wife has started calling you “Tiny Tim”
  • When you stand beneath the mistletoe, people cut it down
  • The only “present” under your tree was left by your cat
  • You just Googled the phrase “Eggnog rehab”