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They have you sitting out in the parking garage
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You’re “vaping” the whole time
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You greet all the children with “You better not pee on my lap, kid”
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You keep referring to your elves as “goblins or whatever”
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The mall you’re working in closed in 2006
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You insist that children bow their heads and call you “Lord Claus”
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When a kid gives you his wish list, you hand it to an elf and say “File this with the others”
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You just badmouthed the crap out of the Easter Bunny
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You whisper to every kid, “I’m not real! Don’t let them fool you”