Reasons You Aren’t Getting A Christmas Bonus

Getting a Christmas bonus is awesome. But unfortunately, not everyone will get one. Here are The Top Reasons You Aren’t Getting a Christmas Bonus.

  • Your behavior with female coworkers makes Matt Lauer wince.
  • You took three bereavement days when Erin Moran from “Happy Days” died.
  • Your boss skipped the middleman and gave it straight to your heroin dealer.
  • Your name is Rex and your boss Donald found out you’ve called him an “effin’ moron.”
  • You’ve been with the company 12 years and the boss still only knows you as, “You there.”
  • The same reason you’re not getting laid: nobody likes you.
  • Your company is using that money to develop a robot to replace you.
  • You’re the reason the “It’s been X number of days since our last incident” sign never gets past three.
  • There is no bonus for Facebooking.
  • You work in Hollywood, so your company has spent the money settling sexual harassment lawsuits.
  • It’s based on your sales. And 10% of zero is zero.
  • Your boss already blew that money when he installed a secret door-locking button under his desk.
  • Everyone in the office hates you since you microwave fish in the break room.
  • You’ve slept through your last three evaluations.
  • You’re the studio executive who thought the world needed a sequel to “Daddy’s Home”.
  • Uh, you don’t have a job.