Surprising Demands In Roger Goodell’s Contract Extension

NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell submitted his demands to NFL owners for his contract extension. And it’s raising some eyebrows. Here are The Top Surprising Demands in Roger Goodell’s Contract Extension.

  • He gets to randomly stroke Andy Reid’s mustache.
  • A full time bodyguard to protect him from Jay Cutler’s overthrows.
  • Jerry Jones’ head on a stick.
  • Bill Belichick must stop dressing like a boxcar hobo.
  • Browns wide receiver Josh Gordon must share with him whatever substance he abused to get his latest suspension.
  • Before a night of lovemaking with his wife, Hank Williams Jr. must come to their bedroom and sing, “Are You Ready for Some ROGER?”
  • Permission to just walk into Tom Brady’s house without knocking when only Gisele is home.
  • Getting Amnesty International to expand the definition of “torture” to include being forced to watch the Browns and 49ers play.
  • A chauffer driven Rolls-Royce . . . with properly inflated tires.
  • Getting to keep anything found in Colin Kaepernick’s Afro.
  • 50 bodyguards and a Kevlar suit for whenever he has to attend an Oakland Raiders home game.
  • Free orthodontic services for life . . . just not from Michael Strahan’s guy.
  • Have everyone in the league refer to him as “Roger GREAT-dell.”
  • Regular foot rubs from Rex Ryan.
  • One of those giant foam fingers with his own name on it.
  • When he enters a room, all NFL players must take a knee.