Reasons You Weren’t Named GQ’s Citizen of the Year

Reasons You Weren’t Named GQ’s Citizen of the Year

  • Your first question is “Citizen of what?”

  • You think “Civic duty” means maintaining your Honda

  • You can’t remember if there are 27 stars on the American flag or 28

  • You respond to a blood drive by bringing other people’s blood

  • You’re doing a 5-year stretch for exposing yourself at a state funeral

  • You haven’t paid federal income tax since 1957

  • You started a neighborhood watch, but it was to binge watch The Walking Dead

  • The only time you speak out against injustice is when somebody has too many items in the express checkout

  • You’re Judge Roy Moore