Reasons You Hate Halloween

Today is Halloween . . . but you’re not at all into it. Here are The Top Reasons You Hate Halloween.

  • You always run out of candy. The night before.
  • Kids are always tugging on your goiter and saying, “Cool! How did you make that?”
  • It’s too much trouble these days making sure your costume can’t possibly offend anyone.
  • Jack-O-Lanterns remind you too much of the president.
  • That time you complimented a kid’s mom for dressing as Jabba the Hutt and she was like, “I’m not wearing a costume.”
  • You’re not allowed to trick-or-treat. Or, for that matter, to legally set foot on anyone else’s property without disclosing some things about your past.
  • It’s getting harder to tell if someone is in costume, or on meth.
  • No matter how much candy you give them, trick-or-treaters ignore your tip cup.
  • You prefer real holidays like Arbor Day.