Signs You’re Too Old to Trick-or-Treat

In honor of Trick-or-Treat night tomorrow…

  • You need to be accompanied by someone in a sexy nurse costume

  • You’re hoping to get your hands on some Beeman’s gum

  • You’re wearing a Nixon mask you bought when he was in office

  • You just traded your Milky Way for some blood pressure meds

  • You can remember when they used to burn witches

  • You’re the only Wonder Woman who’s tripping over her boobs

  • You threw out your back trying to pick up a king-size Snickers

  • You had enough Ace bandages lying around the house to make a mummy costume

  • Your dentures just got ripped out by a Laffy Taffy

  • You’re the only Teletubbie with a walker