Things You Should Never Say to Your Boss

It’s National Boss’s Day, so try to be nice and avoid uttering anything on this list of The Top Things You Should Never Say to Your Boss.

  • I’ll be taking an extended lunch break today . . . and so will your wife.
  • Can I take the rest of the day off? I’m high as a kite.
  • Can we go back to the two-ply toilet paper? I hate having to wash my hands EVERY time I go.
  • The phone just wouldn’t stop ringing this morning . . . so I unplugged it.
  • Boy, our biggest client has NO sense of humor!
  • Let’s say . . . and this is a total hypothetical . . . that I applied for disability. Would you fight it?
  • Can I put our top secret operating plans on a thumb drive?
  • I’m the only one who knows how to do that, and I’m taking the secret with me to my grave.
  • Yes, I know your coffee cup is the one that says “Number One Boss”. Why do you think I peed in it?
  • FYI, your chair smells great.
  • Ya know these stupid sales meetings are seriously cutting into my Instagram time.
  • I’m going to be late tomorrow . . . I have an interview at a much better company.
  • Sir, you have one of the most convincing toupees I’ve ever seen.
  • You’ll be glad to know that I never stop working to take a bathroom break . . . I wear Depends.
  • So do we get Hitler’s birthday off?
  • I’m a team player . . . but like a player for the Cleveland Browns, so I suck.