Signs You Have a Bad Bartender

A Columbus, Ohio bartender won the “Most Imaginative Bartender” competition held in London.  Sadly, not all bartenders are that good.  Here are The Top Signs You Have a Bad Bartender.


  • Whenever someone says “cocktail” he giggles so hard he can’t even make the drink.

  • You ask for a Harvey Wallbanger, he brings you a Harvey Weinstein.

  • None of her organic vodkas are basil-infused.

  • He wants you to listen to HIS problems.

  • You ask for a Jack and Coke and he says, “What’s in it?”

  • He greets you by name.  And that name is “Douche Nozzle.”

  • You witness that a martini isn’t the only thing he vigorously shakes behind the bar.

  • He only got into bartending so he can play with the spray gun.

  • He acts less like the Tom Cruise character in “Cocktail” and more like the Tom Cruise character in “The Mummy”.

  • He won’t serve mixed drinks, because he thinks all beverages should stay with their own kind.

  • When you ask for a White Russian, he brings out a guy who helped rig the 2016 election.

  • He compliments your breasts.  And you’re a guy.