Signs You’re Not Going to Win a MacArthur Genius Grant

 

  • You spell “genius” with a “J”

  • You thought MacArthur was the former King of England

  • You can’t attend the ceremony because you accidentally locked yourself in the basement

  • For some reason, they never seem to honor baristas

  • Video of you exists with your tongue frozen to a metal pole

  • The last time you got a grant you spent all the money on candy cigarettes

  • One of your cabinet members just called you a “moron”

  • The people at the ER keep a list of items they’ve removed from your colon

  • Your resume includes the phrase “Fox News contributor”

  • Five words: shoes on the wrong feet