DO: CHOOSE THE RIGHT TIME AND PLACE
Create a pros and cons list to evaluate the benefits of having this discussion with your mate. It’s also crucial to consider your S.O.’s personality. Some significant others are understanding of past relationships, others maybe sensitive and cannot handle that information. Once you’ve decided to divulge, then determine when the time is right to share the information. This should be a one-time-only discussion and in a stable setting.
DO: EDIT THE INFORMATION
Painting a vivid picture of you with someone else can be hurtful. Stick to information, only. Don’t share too many details like familiar names. And on that note, steer clear of disclosing a crazy sexual act if it was with one of your partner’s friends.
Lies may seem like a smart way to avoid a blowout argument or sidestep an uncomfortable situation-but it can also backfire and have an impact on the present. The relationship could end because your partner may feel that you’re “hiding” something or have an “alter ego/secret life” that they are not and will not be included in. Feel free enough to speak with your significant other, and let them know what place you were emotionally at that time in your life. This helps them to understand better.
DO: BE WILLING TO LISTEN TO THEIR CONFESSIONS, TOO
Lastly, create a judgment free zone, which works both ways. After all, your partner may open up to you and want to share their past as well. Do not judge your significant other. Keep in mind that these sexual acts and individuals were in the past, and do not condemn them for choices they made.